Wednesday, December 17, 2008

so bijou says you're fat. well, i ain't down with that.

Oh, Bijou Phillips. Mouthing off about how Michelle Obama's election night dress made her look fat, then trying to cover your ass by explaining that you would have totally voted for her.

"It made her look fat. It wasn’t her best dress. It didn’t fit her properly. And she can look awesome. She needs stuff that’s cut on the bias, and that dress wasn’t …I love Michelle Obama. If you print that you need to print that I would have voted for her. And that I think she’s a great dresser, except for that one dress."

First, I'd like to point out what a beautiful woman Michelle Obama is. I don't think that she's "looked fat" in her entire life. And if her appearance on election night constitutes looking fat, then God help us all. Granted, I don't think that the cardigan/dress combination flattered her figure to the same degree that some of previous ensembles did. But it's a bit a jump to go from "not her best look ever" to "looks fat." And look at her. Even at "not her best look," she is a stunning woman with a kickin' bod and a radiant smile.

Second, oh my petite Bijou. What in heaven's name have you done that makes your opinion relevant in any way? Okay, so your dad was one of the Papas. And you've been on the cover of Nylon (Which, hello, Peaches Geldof has a column in that magazine and Cory Kennedy has been on the cover. That publication no longer has any ounce of credibility, fashion or otherwise.). And you were in Hostel II. But oh wait, you're a skinny 28 year-old young woman who was born into wealth and privilege, and in our current pop culture landscape, that's all you need to be someone worth quoting. I don't care that you were on the cover of Interview when you were 13 (It's far less impressive when you consider that Andy Warhol was your godfather). I don't care that you were in a movie with Shane "A Walk To Remember" West about The Germs (What punk fan really likes The Germs anyway?). And good luck with that whole "aspiring model" thing (ahem, 5'6"). So please, stop making public jabs at Michelle Obama's figure. Stop giving Sam Rockwell handjobs in Chuck Palahniuk movies. Just stop everything. Full stop.

Ed. Note: I am aware of the apparent hypocrisy of condemning Bijou Phillips' comments about Michelle Obama's figure, and then making fun of her for her height (or lack thereof). Please know that I love the petites, and the reason I make fun of Bijou's height is not to mock those of smaller stature, but instead to point out the absurdity of her life of privilege and unearned opportunities. You're not going to meet many 5'6" models who aren't the children of celebrities.

Ed. Second Note: I totally misspelled "privilege" twice while writing this post. Thank you spellcheck. Who knew that word was such a tricky one? Such an embarrassing spelling error would have totally killed the credibility of this rant. Whew!


♥ Chloe said...

I misspell privilege all the time. I always want to throw some extra a's and e's in there. Thank god for Firefox and their automatic spellcheck. I'm screwed without it.

Bijou Phillips needs to go away, please and thank you.

a tiny machine said...

i've just figured out a great way to remember how to spell "privilege." you can't spell "privilege" without "vile."