These past few days, I haven't been quite feeling myself. I've been lethargic, light-headed, occasionally depressed. There was no spring in my step. Just the other day my manfriend stumbled upon me half-heartedly pantless dancing in my apartment while lifelessly muttering the lyrics to "Love Game." I was suffering from a malady which can spring upon anyone without warning. Friends, it was Lady Gaga withdrawal.
Fortunately, before my case escalated to a critical point, Miss Gaga performed at the MTV VMAs in a theatrical Phantom of the Opera-inspired number that I have since watched six times. Girl not only showed up with Kermit the Frog as her date (and did hysterical interviews about Miss Piggy sending her weird texts), she played the piano in thigh-high boots, was raised by one hand into the air, and wiped fake blood on her face that actually got onto her eyeballs. Readers, for your own well-being, I request that you sit through MTV's lame cotton commercial so that you can watch this video.
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