Jessica Simpson Fancy: Although I love the throwback design of the bottle and have heard that the fragrance isn't all that terrible, I find the title to be horrendous. I know I shouldn't be surprised that the woman who played Daisy Duke named her perfume Fancy, but it's just such an embarrassing choice. There are other celebrities who could release a fragrance with this title and I would've taken the choice as ironic, sort of tongue-in-cheek. But coming from Jessica Simpson, who doesn't always seem the most self-aware celeb, it seems a little sad.
Paris Hilton Fairy Dust: As if the name of this fragrance weren't obnoxious enough, the print ad is beyond ridiculous. "Paris, just come to set wearing your American Apparel gold lamé bra. We'll just throw some random fabric over your crotch and wrap some ribbon around your legs. Don't worry about bringing wings and a wand. We can take care of that post-production."
Paris Hilton Can Can: I think the hilarity of the name and ad campaign for this fragrance is rooted in the inspiration. The perfume is marketed as being inspired by the famous dance-hall girls of the Moulin Rouge. But Moulin Rouge came out, what, eight years ago? And Can Can was released in 2007? It doesn't seem a very timely reference. I suppose she just could be referencing the Moulin Rouge historically and not the film specifically, but the ad campaign suggests otherwise.
Ashanti Precious Jewel: Oh, Ashanti. It pains me to include you on this list. I find you almost completely inoffensive, I always sing along to that "Always On Time" song you did with Ja Rule, and I loved that you appeared in Resident Evil: Extinction and an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. But I'm pretty sure that Precious Jewel is what I would have named my fragrance if I came up with a perfume at age five. Base note: glitter.
Avril Lavigne Black Star: I know what you're thinking. Black Star isn't that bad of a name, right? Maybe so. But my dislike of Avril Lavigne borders on vitriol, so I can't approach this fragrance with any sense of objectivity. The only Black Star I'm okay with includes my boys Mos Def and Talib Kweli. (Did you ever notice that Avril Lavigne is "April Rain" in French? I enjoy using that nomenclature to refer to all of her commercial endeavors. Like her clothing line April Rain Abbey Dawn for Kohl's.)
Derek Jeter Driven: The name and tagline of this fragrance ("Life Without Limits") make me think of creepy motivational speakers and those posters that say things like DEDICATION under a picture of a fighter jet.