Tuesday, September 1, 2009

only the beautiful need apply for immortality

I haven't watched season two of True Blood. I know, it's shocking. And I'm sure I'll get crap for it from my friends tonight at JagerCon. But just because I'm not caught up on television's hottest vampire series, don't think I haven't seen the stills of Evan Rachel Wood as the Louisiana vampire queen. And in honor of Ms. Wood's gothic good looks, I've assembled my own little list of the hottest vampires of all time. Take that, Entertainment Weekly. I can make lists too!

Evan Rachel Wood as Queen Sophie-Anne in True Blood: She was the inspiration behind this little list after all. It's only fitting that she kick off this post.

Alexander Skarsgard as Eric in True Blood: And you thought his father Stellan was a looker. Skarsgard may be known for playing Meekus in Zoolander and starring in a Lady Gaga video, but he owns True Blood.

Deborah Ann Woll as Jessica on True Blood: That hair. That skin. Those pearly whites.

Milla Jovovich as Violet in UltraViolet: This movie was terrible. Absolutely unforgivable. But the Richard Avedon-discovered model/actress/singer/designer Milla Jovovich makes such a pretty vampire assassin.

David Boreanaz as Angel in Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel: Oh, to have an eternity to spend brooding over your under-age girlfriend. Thus is the tale of Angel, my favorite inappropriate love interest and supernatural private detective.

James Marsters as Spike in Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel: It should be mentioned that I'm specifically referencing Spike before he went all mopey over Buffy (though this still is actually from an episode when he was totally all shmoopy over her). Dirty curly bleached hair? Cheekbones that could cut glass? Skin as pale as a baby penguin belly? Yes, please.

Salma Hayek as Santanico Pandemonium in From Dusk Til Dawn: This list wouldn't be complete without Salma's crazy hotness in this Robert Rodriguez-helmed vampire flick. Really, she just walks around for ten minutes and writhes with a snake. Then she turns into a bald lizard-skinned blood sucker. But those ten minutes are pretty amazing.

Kiefer Sutherland as David in The Lost Boys: Substance abuse issues and headbutting of Proenza Schouler designer Jack McCollough aside, I still have a major crush on Kiefer. His bleached hair is even better than Buffy the Vampire Slayer's Spike, and his mullet signifies that he's not one with whom you should trifle. (Do you see how I took pains to avoid ending that sentence with a prepositional phrase? Awkward and jumbled, perhaps. But I cling to my grammatical correctness.)

Stuart Townsend as Lestat in Queen of the Damned: Another terrible movie. But Stuart Townsend (now mostly known as Mr. Charlize Theron) is a very good-looking chap. And he's certainly more appealing than Tom Cruise's version of the Anne Rice super vamp.

Catherine Deneuve as Miriam in The Hunger: Really, she's Catherine Deneuve. I feel no need to explain her inclusion on this list.

Kim Ok-bin as Tae-ju Thirst: In the interest of full disclosure, I must admit that I haven't seen Thirst yet. But I'm a huge fan of Kim Ok-bin and I've watched the mesmerizing trailer about a dozen times, so I don't feel like I'm going out on a limb here.

And of course, the cutest vampire ever has to be David Boreanaz's Angel puppet in the classic season five episode of Angel "Smile Time."

4 comments:

Jahna Peloquin said...

I mostly agree with you, but I have to say I'm disappointed with Evan Rachel Wood's portrayal of the Vamp Queen. It was so very valley girl. But you should watch it and let me know what you think!

Marina said...

I have an unhealthy obsession with Eric the Vampire. So. Hott.

Anne said...

Oooh! David Boreanaz is so hot. Even though I love a good crime/police show, I have to admit he is the reason I started watching Bones.

a tiny machine said...

It should be noted that I wanted to include David Bowie from The Hunger on this list, but was not satisfied with my Google Image search and eventually just gave up.